Holding Pattern

Everyone is moving on and I feel left behind. Whether physically moving cities or on to a new phase of life, my friends and acquaintances are buying houses, having kids, moving cross country and making career leaps. It makes me feel mired, stuck where I am with no news and nothing appearing on the horizon; like a ship becalmed. Though my mind is anything but calm. Inside it’s raging, a frenzied patient in a straight jacket bouncing around a rubber room. Knitting is no longer the distraction it once was, just another task I am failing at. Embroidery is slow and tedious and really am I that great of an artist? Do I even seek greatness? Why the hell am I doing any of it?

It’s counter-productive to think in those circles. Intrinsically I know that. And I want to be happy for my friends, genuinely happy. But I feel like a lost boy fallen out of my perambulator. Passed by and overlooked not knowing where to go or what I really want to do. If I was a teenager they would just tack on the silly moniker “late bloomer” and tell me that it takes time. I want to be amazing, I want to throw all my heart and all my passion at something until I achieve what I want. But, what the hell DO I WANT?


Culling the Herd

An hour's worth of work that sat for weeks.
An hour’s worth of work that sat for weeks.

A new couch and chair arrived at my house a week and a half ago. Goose and I had been searching for a new seating arrangement practically since the decision to move in together was reached. Because he can touch the sky just by raising his arms, he does not fit head to toe on my old vintage couch. I loved that mustard yellow fellow and matching chair but must admit, it had seen better days. The cushions were losing spring, the fabric was dirty, torn and worn. The last straw was when one (my bet is on Oscar) of the dogs peed on it, rendering it (to me) unsuitable for sitting. Enter Joybird. After running through option after option and finding nothing that fit all four criteria of length, style, price and fabric color. A little ad cropped up in my Facebook and I clicked on it.

This little plug will be brief – buying something like furniture online is not for everyone; felt a little bit like Indiana Jones leaping into a pit. Would there be snakes at the bottom? No! Indeed not! Just one very comfortable couch. It’s firm and tufted which is good since it’ll take a while to break in. The color is a little lighter than I expected but in all reality it’s a better thing because it’s a large and in charge sectional. But it matches our cow hide and cabinet and walls. The service was excellent and I feel like this plug is justified because I am really enjoying sitting in the corner of the chaise and cross stitching.

From where I sit, things are looking good.
From where I sit, things are looking good.

Now to figure out what is happening to the old couch and chair. There are several things which I want to happen around the apartment: some painting, some shelves and some culling, some re-configuring. As much as I love books and yarn, it’s time to thin the herd a bit. It’s a piece of my world that has been occupying brain space a fair bit lately. I used to knit 4-6 hours a day. Which led to all sorts of unrealistic notions about what can be finished in any given period of time. Now, with a 9 to 5 job and other responsibilities and truthfully other activities I enjoy as well, knitting has taken a back seat and my stash of yarn has become more of an encumbrance than a well-spring of creativity. Last night I began the difficult process of sorting through what I am comfortable parting with, it’s not as much as I thought, but it’s a start. I still have eight bins to go through. When a friend of mine finally called me out on exactly how much yarn I have; I had to agree knitting 3 balls a month until I am 65 years old does sounds like a lot of work and a lot of yarn. It’s time to move on. While I haven’t read the book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up yet, I understand the concept of if it’s not bringing me joy then it is time to let it bring someone else joy. Meanwhile I will continue to pursue happiness one teeny tiny little stitch at a time.

Working on a baby blanket in the front yard.
Working on a baby blanket in the front yard.